Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tales of a locksmith

I finally got a locksmith to come to my house--and what a locksmith!  One of nature's  noblemen, when he arrived he informed me that my outside tap needed to be shut down.  He then shut it down, coiled up the hose, and deposited it in the basement.  Then he shut off the inside faucet or whatever you call the doohinky that if it freezes your pipes would burst.  This was before he had done any locksmithing at all.

I have zero sales resistance, so he managed to sell me five (5) locksets  for all my exterior doors.   They cost a lot.

He went out to his truck to get his invoices and business cards.  Meanwhile, I cut my finger trying to cut some limes in half.  I managed to drip a fair number of drops of blood on the floor in the kitchen and bathroom before the locksmith put a BandAid on my finger.

Wait--there's more, as the television pitchmen  say.  I had heated some chicken morsels in the oven and managed to eat one while he was out in the truck and nearly choked to death.   This invaluable tradesman pounded me on the back until I had disgorged the remnants of chicken, thus saving my life.

Then he took some wipes and wiped up the droplets of blood from the floor.  Did a good job, too.  Now that's what I call locksmithing!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Plum job

When I was young, I would apply for any job that didn't require math, and quite a few that did.  Editor, garment model, newsreader, office manager, I figured out I could learn the required skills in two weeks.  (Except math.)  Besides, they sounded interesting.  Who wouldn't want a job as a fitting model in the garment industry?  Or the Napoleon of a large law office, striking fear into the hearts of all the underlings and lunching with  rich lawyers?  All the jobs sounded interesting to a 20 year old with no paarticular aim in life.  Amazingly, I had multiple interviews.

Being a shy person, it was agony for me at first to go through these interviews.  But I had so many of them that I became inured to the process, and my attitude was "bring it on!" although people didn't say that in those days.  I got quite adept at presenting myself and modestly mentioning my many accomplishments, which mostly consisted of having a BA in English literature at the time.

But at last I have seen an ad for the job of my dreams: wardrobe, makeup and costume construction  for a theatrical company.   I'd be perfect for the job. As it happens, I can sew.  I made all my daughters' dresses when they were little.  A short visit to Sephora or Ulta would bring me up to date on makeup.  Unfortunately, it's in San Francisco, and the rents there are too high.  I'll just have to remain satisfied with unassuming, humble Delaware.

A new game







Invented in Spain,this game could easily be adapted to other settings.  Like:  New Jersey. Maryland, Illinois, and California.  Only the faces would need to be changed.

Monday, November 10, 2014

My post about stealing soap from hotel rooms apparently struck a chord deep in the American soul.  It was my biggest hit!

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Alma the It Girl

I am taking a course on Mahler, mostly his music, but two sessions are given to the notorious beauty Queen of Vienna.  It is impossible for us in the 21st century to understand her charisma.  Her photographs show her as a pretty girl, all right, although in her later years she looked more like Brunhilde.  I think Tom Lehrer said it best.

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Remember, remember

Remember, remember!
    The fifth of November,
    The Gunpowder treason and plot;
    I know of no reason
    Why the Gunpowder treason
    Should ever be forgot!
    Guy Fawkes and his companions
    Did the scheme contrive,
    To blow the King and Parliament
    All up alive.

The first I  ever heard of Guy Fawkes Day was in the book, Mary Poppins, by P L Travers.  It sounded both scary and exciting.  I loved reading about children in another country with exotic habits, like eating scones. .  I hope it still is celebrated in the Mother Country.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

The trouble with in-laws

Bubbe, my grandmother, did not approve of the women her sons married; she did not consider them good  enough for her family. Clearly, nobody could be.   But her daughter's husband, my father, was her special nemesis.
He had a lot of charm, but it was lost on her.  They loathed each other from the getgo.  When he tried to mollify her, she was not playing, and their mutual hatred grew worse.

Mother always felt that you could please two people at once, even if they wanted completely opposed actions on her part.  This worked about as well as you would imagine it would, which is not at all.

After my grandfather died, it was generally agreed that someone would have to move in with bubbe.  The whole family felt that it should be my mother, her only daughter.  So the three of us moved in with her.

The result was a clash of wills, and since bubbe was twice as cunning as my father, she won the long game, thereby destroying our family and depriving her grandchildren of a father.  That was collateral damage, and didn't matter, as dad was obviously a weak character and we were better off without him.  Bubbe was as compassionate as Julius Caesar, who surrounded his enemies and starved them all.

The tradition continues: my nephew just got married, and his sisters hate his new wife and think she's not good enough for him.  Fortunately the young couple are moving out of the country, so perhaps their marriage has a chance.